Anxiety: Shape Shifter

It ebbs and flows, anxiety.

It’s a fluid, dynamic thing.

Sometimes it washes over; other times it laps laps laps gently on the shore.

It can turn violent in an instant, that’s my experience.

Anxiety is a shape shifter; it comes in the darkness, finding its way to your demise.

How can it optimize it’s crippling, or at least negative effect deep inside you?

To my own personal experience, it’s not a panic attack; it seems that if I’m ready, awake, prepared, I can soldier on. I don’t panic.

But I don’t like it; or at least, historically I’ve tried to avoid, ignore. I’ve used various means to mediate its grip.

Lately though, I wonder if it’s hell-bent on my demise; maybe that’s not its purpose, its intent.

Maybe that shape-shifter quality is to find it’s way to my most inner, vulnerable side, to help me grow, change, be…better?

Shape-shifter. Maybe anxiety is encouraging me in its own, weird way, to be a shape-shifter too…?


Anxiety: My Superpower

I’ve lived with it most all of my life; anxiety since I was maybe 8 or 9. Everyday.

I thought I’d grow out of it; i prayed I’d grow out of it. Not the case.

And with more responsibilities and set-backs over the years, the anxiety becomes a more engrained part of my existence.

Lately though I’ve come to realize I can look at it, consider it in a different way, to leverage my anxiety for good. Lately I started thinking of my anxiety as a superpower.

Like Wolverine and his regenerative power or Spider-Man and his “Spider Sense”, I’m working to harness my anxiety, turn it to my advantage.

On the one hand this idea seems a bit silly: after all, I’m a middle-age dude, decades into adulthood. On the other hand, what the hell, let’s see what we can do.

This is a new idea, and I’m not sure how it’s going to go; stay tuned for more insight.

Navy Life

I don’t know much about it, Navy Life.

None of my immediate family were military folk. But on my mom’s side of the family,

Her cousin B was in the Navy during the Vietnam War; not much choice.

That cousin’s son, Z, went in the Marines out of high school. He was in four years.

Z’s sister’s husband, D, was more years than that in the Air Force Reserve.

And now Z’s oldest just went into the Navy. Fresh out of high school, ready for the next adventure. Good for her stepping up,

And to serve our country along the way well,

God Bless, C,

Make the most of Navy Life.

Lyrics Post: “Beast of Burden”

It’s a cool song, “Beast of Burden” by The Rolling Stones.

But it’s the beat, the drums, the drummer, that’s what this post is about.

The band’s drummer, Charlie Watts, died this week at the age of 80. Listening to a remembrance on the radio, I was struck by two points.

First, he is regarded as one of the best drummers of all time, but not because he was flashy or particularly complicated in his playing,; instead, it was because he was steady. Watts provided a constant for the other musicians to play on top of – he was unwavering and reliable.

The other highlight was the fact that he was jazz fan and musician at heart; and yet. he played with one of the greatest rock and roll bands in history his entire life.

So here’s to you, Charlie.

Oh, and this lyric? Not bad either…

“Beast Of Burden”

I’ll never be your beast of burden
My back is broad, but it’s a-hurting
All I want, for you to make love to me
I’ll never be your beast of burden
I’ve walked for miles, my feet are hurting
All I want is for you to make love to me

Am I hard enough?
Am I rough enough?
Am I rich enough?
I’m not too blind to see

I’ll never be your beast of burden
So let’s go home and draw the curtains
Music on the radio
Come on, baby, make sweet love to me

Am I hard enough?
Am I rough enough?
Am I rich enough?
I’m not too blind to see

Oh, little sister
Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girls
You’re a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl
Pretty, pretty, such a pretty, pretty, pretty girl
Come on, baby, please, please, please

I’ll tell you, you can put me out on the street
Put me out with no shoes on my feet
But put me out, put me out
Put me out of misery, yeah
All your sickness, I can suck it up
Throw it all at me, I can shrug it off
There’s one thing, baby, I don’t understand
You keep on telling me I ain’t your kind of man

Ain’t I rough enough? Ooh, honey
Ain’t I tough enough?
Ain’t I rich enough? In love enough?
Ooh, please

I’ll never be your beast of burden
I’ll never be your beast of burden
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be
I’ll never be your beast of burden
I’ve walked for miles, my feet are hurting
All I want is you to make love to me, yeah
I don’t need no beast of burden
I need no fussing, I need no nursing
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be”

Writers: Keith Richards, Mick Jagger

Insomniac Interlude

Been a year maybe, since this started; since the wheels of divorce started turning,

Middle of the night, dreams wake me, clock stares back at me, words pour out.

In my mind churning, this and that in flux, uncertain, unsettled.

Mine to manage, improve, solve.

What to do, say? Anyway, plenty of time to manage, rectify, sanctify,

Sleep now the preference, how I’ll reference my readiness, ready to go when the sun comes up, to make it good.

Written: 02:18am