Detente was a term that I learned studying international politics in school.  At the time, the Cold War was still alive and well between the United States and the Soviet Union [some of my Poli Sci cronies would say it’s creeping back that way now with Russia].

The term referred to the two nations’ governments making adjustment to their policies toward one another, reciprocated overtures intended to reduce direct tensions in the simmering conflict that had existed since 1945.  At the time the two countries were armed to the teeth with nuclear weapons and were in the midst of a second proxy war vying for influence and control against the other.

The predominate strategy that was employed by both sides to deter the other from military aggression was “Mutually Assured Destruction.”   At some point someone got the bright idea that this wasn’t an endlessly sustainable end-game, and thought it was a good idea to try to improve relations, rather than simply deter the other.

There’s a good underlying lesson tucked into that term:  If you’re in conflict with someone, it’s a good idea to ease off a little, when you’re ready to improve relations.

Whether it be between spouses, parents and children, partners, relatives, co-workers, classmates, friends, or countries: Taking a step back to pause, refresh, and restart is a good relationship strategy.

Conflict is part of life.  This is especially true with our human species, being so reliant on one another and being increasingly connected and living closer together. Conflict can be relationship-ending for sure, but more often than not, I would suggest it’s just part of working and living with other people.

Few of us are in a position in our profession or life that we don’t have to interact with others.  Thus, there is an inevitable opportunity for conflict to manifest.  This is a reality we all face.  It’s how we deal with the situation, how we respond, that makes all the difference in the outcome.

I can think of three recent conflicts I’ve had of late with different people in my own world.   Only when I took a step back to pause, let some time pass, and reset my approach did things get better.  The improved result manifested through a combination of emotion and perspective fermenting some, maturing to a place with more depth, meaning, and thus understanding.

Give it a try.  You might be surprised at how things turn out.

I realized yesterday after it was done that the post I’d written wasn’t as short as I thought it’d be.

Had to leave that first sentence in though, since it was Fred Wilson’s post that morning that spurred me in the first place. And giving AVC props just seemed like the right thing to do.

Today’s post should in fact be short and sweet.

It’s really just a shout-out of gratitude for two recent comments left by readers.

Relationship Malarkey (blog “anotherblogattheready.wordpress.com” ) left a nice note, as did my Better Half (writeoutofchaos.blogspot.com). The comments provided a little spark to spur me along, a little indication that things are resonating, a big motivator to stay on track.

Haven’t received much on the way of posted feedback on my blog, and it’s amazing how a little goes a long way in providing encouragement.

Pretty stoked that Viewers/Readership has increased, so big thanks for that too.

If you get the chance to make a nice comment today you should do it. You might be surprised at the effect it has.

It happened quite innocently really.

A co-worker said to me this morning, “Have you heard of Pablo Casals?”  I hadn’t.

Apparently he is one of the greatest cellists of all time, who died some forty years ago.  My friend had heard a short piece on NPR interviewing another cellist, a much younger virtuoso named Amit Peled who now plays Casals’ cello, the very instrument the great master played, made around 1700.

So I looked up Pablo Casals and read about him.  I wanted to learn about Peled too, so I looked him up. Then I found this great introduction, not only to what  Peled’s about, but also about the cello, the great master Johann Sebastian Bach, and his Six Suites for Cello.

When I found the Six Suites on Youtube, the cellist playing was none other than Yo Yo Ma (another great cellist of our age).  And then that got me thinking about Ma’s diverse portfolio of work, all the genres he’s played in, including the Goat Rodeo Sessions. From J.S. Bach to the hybrid, funky sounds of the Goat Rodeo.

What a fun ride! And FASCINATING.

All this easy, joyous learning happened by way of a blistering journey throughout the morning, quick little breaks in between tasks to learn more.  In the midst of it all I realized this experience can happen any time.  What’s more, just the act of briefly pursuing something that’s sparked interest, something new and different, provides fresh energy to the day.

It also gives us something to be excited about for future, later that day, that evening, whatever.  If you choose (which I would suggest you do!), share the little muse with someone else, share a little of the excitement. It will lead to good things.

I learned this acronym not long after I started working in the manufacturing industry about ten years ago.  The context in which I heard it applied was during a meeting with a scientist, a couple of engineers and manufacturing manager talking about a design for a custom system we were building a proposal for.

K.I.S.S.:  “Keep It Simple, Stupid.”

I would have thought this phrase might apply to the likes of someone like Sir Jonathan Ive, the re-known design chief at Apple, Inc.  Then again, though I’ve not heard him speak, Ive is likely a bit too witty to use this sort of catchy (if dated) quip.  “He’s known for explaining his design philosophy in trippy, zenlike soundbites”, according to Macworld, not for being trite.

The K.I.S.S. acronym actually (miraculously, some might say), stemmed from the United States Navy in 1960.  Or more specifically, Mr. Johnson, a Lockheed engineer designing a plane for the government.

According to Wikipedia, the reference originated thus:  “The [K.I.S.S.] principle is best exemplified by the story of Johnson handing a team of design engineers a handful of tools, with the challenge that the jet aircraft they were designing must be repairable by an average mechanic in the field under combat conditions with only these tools. Hence, the “stupid” refers to the relationship between the way things break and the sophistication available to repair them.”

I would offer that this approach is not just applicable in building equipment, but also a good way of looking at any challenge in life. It’s about taking the shortest, realistic path to coping and accepting the situation.

At its core, the idea of not over-thinking things is a good way of looking at life and the situations and circumstances that inevitably come up that we’re challenged by, etc.  I would suggest that in fact, your level of satisfaction with things and related happiness are directly linked to this concept.

At any given moment, when you’re considering the task at hand, or debriefing on an event (especially if you had any level of emotion invested in it) or thinking about something important you need to say to your co-worker, your kid, your partner, keep it simple.

Direct, thoughtful assessment and communication is essential. You should of course include as much detail as necessary, but no MORE than required. The main thing is, keep it simple.  Here’s a real-life, recent example.

I had a situation last week that I was directly involved in, a meeting, that I had high hopes for. I had a lot of emotion wrapped up in the outcome, nebular as that outcome was in my mind. There were a lot of players involved, and I could only partially effect how things ended up. When the meeting was over, I got the vague sense that people didn’t leave the gathering feeling the way I’d hoped.

But I’d done my best in preparation for the meeting and orchestrated the event as best I could, given my limited power to do so. A while after things finished up, I was thinking about how it’d gone with only modest satisfaction. It should have gone better, I thought.

Then I realized (and accepted) that I did the best I could and after all, I only had a partial role in a positive outcome.  “It is so; it cannot be otherwise” I recalled from a famous quotation I am fond of. And that was it. I was able to move on.

I kept it simple.  You might also say I let myself off the hook.  That’s fine. But I was able to move on and close the matter in my head.

When you consider any event your involved in or responsible for any conversation, the details of any particular effort you’ve made, be honest, be complete, but also be balanced in your critique.

Keep it simple.  Keep your assessment concise and to the point. Look at the bright side.  And be sure you consider the positives. Those positives, even if minor, should be allowed to carry the day.  It’s really quite simple.