Not sure who scribbled this one together, but it’s gone viral, and more important, it’s GOOD.
“I’m vaccinated and, no, I don’t know what’s in it – neither this vaccine, the ones I had as a child, nor in the Big Mac, or in hot dogs, or in other treatments…whether it’s for cancer, AIDS, the one for polyarthritis, or vaccines for infants or children. I trust my doctor when he says it’s needed.
I also don’t know what’s in Ibuprofen, Tylenol, or other meds, it just cures my headaches & my pains …
I don’t know what’s in the ink for tattoos, vaping, or every ingredient in my soap or shampoo or even deodorants. I don’t know the long term effect of cell phone use or whether or not that restaurant I just ate at REALLY used clean foods and washed their hands.
In short …
There’s a lot of things I don’t know and never will…
I just know one thing: life is short, very short, and I still want to do something other than just going to work every day or staying locked in my home. I still want to travel and hug people without fear and find a little feeling of life “before”.
As a child and as an adult I’ve been vaccinated for mumps, measles, rubella, polio, chicken pox, and quite a few others; my parents and I trusted the science and never had to suffer through or transmit any of said diseases … just saying.
I’m vaccinated, not to please the government but:
Oh yes, so SO agree. And so GOOD.
Funny thing thinking about, writing about anxiety. I see different angles at different times. No surprise, really.
That’s how anxiety works; that’s how our life experience works. Anxiety is part of it. Sure it can be overwhelming, crippling, devastating, even deadly…but then again, it’s just part of life too.
I don’t experience it in a deadly extreme fashion very often. In fact, not ever.
I’ve never considered checking out, or giving up forever, or crawling, or running, away. It’s fucking hard sometimes, but it hasn’t permanently dominated me (yet), in 54 years on this Earth.
Sure, sometimes is it hard. Sometimes it’s really hard. Sometimes it lays on top of me and won’t let me know. Sometimes it creeps up…
Like in the dark, late last night. Like after going to bed, to sleep at reasonable time, anxiety creeped up on me, unsuspecting. A few hours into the night, just after midnight, I leaped out of bed, and almost punched the wall, thinking it was someone standing there in the dark…
Anxiety waiting for me, looking at me, gently tossing and turning, maybe whispering…
I don’t know…but I didn’t want it there in that moment…don’t want it there, in the darkness…
But if it’s there…well fine…
If it’s there, I might roll over, or I might leap up and punch it in the face,
One thing I do know, I’m not giving up, and I’m not checking out.
Let it come. Come along, anxiety…
In the dark, in the light, how you like…I might not be ready, but come along all the same.
Anxiety is a constant reminder.
At 3:00am it pops up.
What is simmering on my mental back-burner?
Those things are in the slow-cooker of my anxiety. It’s a revolving menu.
Let them cook.
Little things make a difference. Little things motivate. Focused on moving, even after sleeping in, even on the weekend.
Green Line. + 10,000 steps, Fitbit tells me.
Keep Going, Keep moving.
Well, I find myself being, again in this space, this place, dull aches, a few pains, run-down, somewhat displaced.
Dull in the head, shoulders heavy, thick. Slowed by the world around somehow, usually buoyed.
Reduce to min, simmer on low, covered, dozing, deep. Thick in the brain, pause the constant activities and responsibilities and the hum and the buzz they create, doze, deep.
Seek to refresh, spring back better, ready, for more, find well, being.
Where we spend our time, inside, outside. Literally, and figuratively. In the world, in our heads.
Who are we outside? Inside? The same, or different…?
These questions churn through my noggin most days, challenge me, inspire me, forward, the stop!
Then forward again. Striving to understand, live the truth, each day, nudge, speed, forward.
Inside, and outside,
Ever forward. Ever forward.
I think I must have had these same feelings as a kid; it’s certainly a phrase we hear pretty often in our house: “I’m scared.”
It’s a catch-all phrase that the kids use when they don’t want to do something, their anxious about it, or they are in fact, scared.
The main strategy to combat the dislike, and especially the fear? Use that ol’ Thought Box I wrote on not too long ago.
Push all the bad thoughts out of the box, that one in your mind’s eye, and only let settle the good thoughts.
I think this is especially effective when you’re trying to go to sleep. Maybe is a good strategy for any apprehensive situation:
Push the bad thoughts out of your mind, push through to the other side.
It’s ok to be scared, but don’t let that apprehension or fear stop you from doing what you need to do, what you want to do.
“Ok. But do it anyway.”
On the other side of the headache, is the comfort and calm and peace to think clearly;
On the other side of releasing the angst and the pain and the toil is the certainty that you can take the next step on that ten thousand mile journey of life;
On the other side of the anxiety that spins you around and flips you upside down is the sense of serenity and peace that you are living exactly the life you’re meant to live in this moment,
And the clarity to change the things that need changing to align your head, your heart, your soul,
Starting now, on the other side.
There’s a great Pearl Jam song…from their first album, I think…”Release Me”…
I think that phrase captures a place I come to with my anxiety, sometimes.
So spun up, extended, stretched, tired, spent. I stare at it, waiting, not blinking. Will it consume me? Will I disappear into its frazzled, jagged, frayed folds of angst and despair…? I get to the point where I don’t care, I’m tired of trying…
And sometimes, just then, it releases me…
Or do I release myself…? Maybe therein the magic lies, the trick to be played.
Just let yourself be. Release the expectations and the mistakes and the fears and just…be you.
Come on. I’ll join you.
We can do it together.