Category: mental health

Spool Up

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, business, culture, family, Happy, Insight, leadership, lifestyle, marriage, mental health, parentingLeave a comment

I love this term. Maybe I like it because it’s sometimes used to reference an aircraft engine warming after being turned on. At least, that’s what’s in my head… : – )

I looked it up, so for all my engineer / machine-thinking friends, I found this, related to “turbo power”:

“Turbo spool time is the time it takes for the turbocharger to charge until the engine reaches full turbo pressure. The turbo spool time can often be confused and mixed up with the turbolag, but actually they are two completely different terms.”

So in the context of this week? The term “spool up” comes to mind as to how the human brain adjusts when one goes back to work. After all, when you’re in vacation mode and being off for a bit, you thus haven’t had to think about professional topics, matters, issues, problem-solving, etc.

For a lot of us, work is typified by email communication. Emails carry information, tasks, request for assistance, the whole gamut of work activities in a tidy list. Sometimes, it’s a very long list. I’m not sure how my inbox measures up to my peers at my work, let alone my friends who do similar White-collar work.

I actually think 369 emails, after being off for more than 10 days, isn’t all that many. That’s my sense from hearing people talk about how many emails they have to deal with every day.

Nonetheless, 369 of anything is quite a few.

And that’s what I faced when I turn on my work machine this morning before the sun came up, getting back to work after being on PTO for a bit.

Some (many?) folks might go through email the night before, to get a head start. People even do that on the weekend, in effort to “stay on top of things”, etc.

At least this time, I chose not to get a head start. My mind was clear and ready when I woke up, and after the usual morning routine, I opened the Inbox. And?

I went FORWARD.

I’ll Take It

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, faith, family, Insight, marriage, mental health, parenting, politicsLeave a comment

As it comes, I’ll take it.

Easy conversation, I’ll take it.

Blue sky, cool breeze, I’ll take it.

Light sheen of sweat blankets me, I’ll take.

Smoke wafting from the barbecue, I’ll take it.

A billion emails expected on Monday morning, I’ll take it.

Kids quietly watching TV, I’ll take it.

Detente, I’ll take it.

A way forward, a glimmer of light up ahead, I’ll take it.

Each hour, each day, easy does it, I’ll take it.

Why Is It So Hard?

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, culture, faith, family, Happy, Insight, leadership, lifestyle, marriage, mental health, parenting, social change, social justiceLeave a comment

These things we are called to in life, these difficulties thrust before us, why does it have to be so hard?

It’s just life. It is what it is. One of those four great truths Buddha identified: “Life is difficult.”

In Matthew 10:16, Jesus makes a similar observation as he spells out how his friends should act: as a sheep among wolves, shrewd yet simple. And all will speak against you, and worry not about what to say, the Spirit will guide you.

But that doesn’t make it easier, I don’t think; it makes it more manageable, gives us a path forward, but not easier.

I’ve failed plenty of times to take this proper attitude, I’ve given in to the darkness, been overwhelmed, crushed.

And then? Then I try again. That’s it. Just try again.

It’s hard. That’s just how it is. Life is hard. And that’s ok. And you’re ok. Onward.

Land’s End, 8 Mile Road

On By jeff ludlumIn Happy, lifestyle, mental health, parentingLeave a comment

All the way out we drove, to the end, 8 Mile Road, West, Stockton. Me and the kids, Mama was having lunch in town with friend.

We snacked in the park first. Watched a couple woodpeckers do their thing. Saw a few blue birds too, these creatures flitting here and there in the midday summer heat. No breeze. A few guys playing frisbee golf around us.

Then down the road, to the end. The kids seemed to enjoy it; so did I. Hadn’t been down that road in 35 years. Here’s what we found.

Bedtime at Fernwood

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, faith, family, Happy, Insight, lifestyle, mental health, parentingLeave a comment

Quite a ruckus most nights getting ALL to bed. There are the usual night-time chores — putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, getting water bottles filled with ice and water, arranging stuffed animals and blankets — it can sometimes take quite a while.

But when we’re done, and the lights go off, relaxation falls over everyone like a blanket. Then, it’s time for a nighttime song… in the darkness, in the quiet, as the bustle ends, in a darkened room lit only by the soft white glow of the nightlight near the floor, “Mother mother ocean…“

And soon there after, there is quiet and harmony and peace, and slumber comes. Amen, soon there after, slumber comes. Amen.

Say Their Names, Honor Their Fight For Equal Rights

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, culture, family, human rights, Insight, leadership, lifestyle, marriage, mental health, parenting, politics, social change, social justiceLeave a comment

In this great American experiment, we must rely on the fundamental ideals the founders laid out in the beginning.  After that initial revolution that birthed the United States of America, some eighty years later, we fought a civil war to solidify the course of our country.   

We are at a similar, if not as outwardly violent, cross-roads once again.  All  colors.  All religions, all creeds.  LGBTQ or straight, ALL who strive and desire to live in peace with one another.  

EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL.  *ALL* people deserve, ney, HAVE these inalienable rights.  

Let us not rest until this ideal is in fact, reality.  Let us make it a reality.  Let us say their names over and over until all peoples have justice and equal treatment across these fair and wide lands.

Take a listen to this profile of one woman’s life, striving to find her way, her own way, in this America. 

Storme DeLarverie ~

one.npr.org/i/884080764:884168701

Hamilton: Redemption, and Honor, Failed. In the End, Who Tells Your Story?

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, culture, faith, family, Happy, Insight, leadership, lifestyle, marriage, mental health, politics, social change, social justiceLeave a comment

Best of Wives and Best of Women

(Lin-Manuel Miranda – Hamilton Cast)

[ELIZA]
Alexander, come back to sleep

[HAMILTON]
I have an early meeting out of town

[ELIZA]
It’s still dark outside

[HAMILTON]
I know. I just need to write something down

[ELIZA]
Why do you write like you’re running out of time?

[HAMILTON]
Shhh

[ELIZA]
Come back to bed. That would be enough

[HAMILTON]
I’ll be back before you know I’m gone

[ELIZA]
Come back to sleep

[HAMILTON]
This meeting’s at dawn

[ELIZA]
Well, I’m going back to sleep

[HAMILTON]
Hey. Best of wives and best of women

The World Was Wide Enough

(Lin-Manuel Miranda – Hamilton Cast)

[MALE COMPANY]
One two three four

[FULL COMPANY (EXCEPT HAMILTON AND BURR)]
Five six seven eight nine-

[BURR]
There are ten things you need to know

[COMPANY]
Number one!

[BURR]
We rowed across the Hudson at dawn
My friend, William P. Van Ness signed on as my-

[BURR AND COMPANY]
Number two!

[BURR]
Hamilton arrived with his crew:
Nathaniel Pendleton and a doctor that he knew

[COMPANY]
Number three!

[BURR]
I watched Hamilton examine the terrain
I wish I could tell you what was happ’ning in his brain
This man has poisoned my political pursuits!

[COMPANY]
Most disputes die and no one shoots!
Number four!

[BURR]
Hamilton drew first position
Looking, to the world, like a man on a mission
This is a soldier with a marksman’s ability
The doctor turned around so he could have deniability

COMPANY
Five!

BURR
Now I didn’t know this at the time
But we were-
[BURR AND PHILIP]
Near the same spot
Your son died, is that
Why- [HAMILTON]
Near the same spot
My son died, is that
Why-

[COMPANY]
Six!

[BURR]
He examined his gun with such rigor?
I watched as he methodically fiddled with the trigger

[COMPANY]
Seven!

[BURR]
Confession time? here’s what I got:
My fellow soldiers’ll tell you I’m a terrible shot

[COMPANY]
Number eight!

[BURR/HAMILTON/ENSEMBLE MEN]
Your last chance to negotiate
Send in your seconds, see if they can set the record straight

[BURR]
They won’t teach you this in your classes
But look it up, Hamilton was wearing his glasses
Why? If not to take deadly aim?
It’s him or me, the world will never be the same
I had only one thought before the slaughter:
This man will not make an orphan of my daughter

[COMPANY]
Number nine!

[BURR]
Look him in the eye, aim no higher
Summon all the courage you require
Then count:

[COMPANY]
One two three four five six seven eight nine
Number ten paces! Fire!-

[HAMILTON]
I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory
Is this where it gets me, on my feet, sev’ral feet ahead of me?
I see it coming, do I run or fire my gun or let it be?
There is no beat, no melody
Burr, my first friend, my enemy
Maybe the last face I ever see
If I throw away my shot, is this how you’ll remember me?
What if this bullet is my legacy?

Legacy. What is a legacy?
It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see
I wrote some notes at the beginning of a song someone will sing for me
America, you great unfinished symphony, you sent for me
You let me make a difference
A place where even orphan immigrants
Can leave their fingerprints and rise up
I’m running out of time. I’m running, and my time’s up
Wise up. Eyes up
I catch a glimpse of the other side
Laurens leads a soldiers’ chorus on the other side
My son is on the other side
He’s with my mother on the other side
Washington is watching from the other side

Teach me how to say goodbye

Rise up, rise up, rise up
Eliza

My love, take your time
I’ll see you on the other side
Raise a glass to freedom…

[BURR AND COMPANY]
He aims his pistol at the sky-

[BURR]
Wait!

[BURR]
I strike him right between his ribs
I walk towards him, but I am ushered away
They row him back across the Hudson
I get a drink

[COMPANY]
Aaaah
Aaaah
Aaaah

[BURR]
I hear wailing in the streets

[COMPANY]
Aaaah
Aaaah
Aaaah

[BURR]
Somebody tells me, “You’d better hide.”

[COMPANY]
Aaaah
Aaaah
Aaaah

[BURR]
They say

[BURR AND ANGELICA]
Angelica and Eliza-

[BURR]
Were both at his side when he died
Death doesn’t discriminate
Between the sinners and the saints
It takes and it takes and it takes
History obliterates
In every picture it paints
It paints me and all my mistakes
When Alexander aimed
At the sky
He may have been the first one to die
But I’m the one who paid for it

I survived, but I paid for it

Now I’m the villain in your history
I was too young and blind to see…
I should’ve known
I should’ve known
The world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me
The world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

(Lin-Manuel Miranda – Hamilton Cast)

[WASHINGTON]
Let me tell you what I wish I’d known
When I was young and dreamed of glory
You have no control:

[WASHINGTON AND COMPANY]
Who lives
Who dies
Who tells your story?

[WASHINGTON]
President Jefferson:


I’ll give him this: his financial system is a
Work of genius. I couldn’t undo it if I tried
And I tried

[WASHINGTON AND COMPANY]
Who lives
Who dies
Who tells your story?

[WASHINGTON]
President Madison:


He took our country from bankruptcy to prosperity
I hate to admit it, but he doesn’t get enough credit
For all the credit he gave us

[WASHINGTON AND COMPANY]
Who lives
Who dies
Who tells your story?

[ANGELICA]
Every other founding fathers story gets told
Every other founding father gets to grow old

[BURR]
But when you’re gone, who remembers your name?
Who keeps your flame?
[BURR AND MEN]
Who tells your story?

Who tells your story?
[ANGELICA AND WOMEN]
Who tells your story?


[WOMEN]
Eliza

[ELIZA]
I put myself back in the narrative

[WOMEN]
Eliza

[ELIZA]
I stop wasting time on tears
I live another fifty years
but It’s not enough

[COMPANY]
Eliza

[ELIZA]
I interview every soldier who fought by your side

[MULLIGAN/LAFAYETTE/LAURENCE]
She tells our story

[ELIZA]
I try to make sense of your thousands of pages of writings
You really do write like you’re running out of-

[ELIZA AND COMPANY]
Time

[ELIZA]
I rely on-

[ELIZA AND ANGELICA]
Angelica

[ELIZA]
While she’s alive-

[ELIZA AND ANGELICA]
We tell your story

[ELIZA]
She is buried in Trinity Church

[ELIZA AND ANGELICA]
Near you

[ELIZA]
When I needed her most, she was right on-

[ELIZA AND COMPANY]
Time

[ELIZA]
And I’m still not through
I ask myself, “What would you do if you had more-“

[ELIZA AND COMPANY]
Time

[ELIZA]
The Lord, in his kindness
He gives me what you always wanted
He gives me more-

[ELIZA AND COMPANY]
Time

[ELIZA]
I raise funds in D.C. for the Washington Monument

[WASHINGTON]
She tells my story

[ELIZA]
I speak out against slavery
You could have done so much more if you only had-

[ELIZA AND COMPANY]
Time

[ELIZA]
And when my time is up, have I done enough?
[ELIZA]
Will they tell my story? [COMPANY]
Will they tell your story?

[ELIZA]
Oh. Can I show you what I’m proudest of?

[COMPANY]
The orphanage

[ELIZA]
I established the first private orphanage in New York City

[COMPANY]
The orphanage

[ELIZA]
I help to raise hundreds of children
I get to see them growing up

[COMPANY]
The orphanage

[ELIZA]
In their eyes I see you, Alexander
I see you every-

[ELIZA AND COMPANY]
Time
[ELIZA]
And when my time is up
Have I done enough?
Will they tell my story?

[COMPANY]
Will they tell your story?

[ELIZA]
Oh, I can’t wait to see you again
It’s only a matter of-

[ELIZA AND COMPANY]
Time
[COMPANY]
Will they tell your story?
(COMPANY/ELIZA MUTTERING)
Who lives, who dies, who tells your story?

Will they tell your story?

Who lives, who dies-
[COMPANY]
Time…

Time…

[FULL COMPANY]
Who tells your story?