“FTO”, ah what? “Flexible Time Off”, my employer just instituted this policy; take time to recharge when you need it.
I’m IN. My kids have this week off school, so I’m taking today (Friday) off to hang with them, have a couple errand / adventures, upset the work week apple cart just a bit.
It feels…GOOD, just living a little different.
You might think this is a blog post around not being committed, “…one foot in, one foot out…”
But rather, it’s a quick nod to those who can successfully operate in multiple mindsets congruently. This particular skill set is valuable; this particular capability should be cultivated, nurtured, respected.
I’ve often thought and believed in the power of compartmentalizations. Of late I have a new appreciation for the mentality and related skills of multi-tasking.
“…one foot in both worlds…”,
GOOD.
In the toughest days, sometimes sneaky tough, unexpected, I seek God. Not sure what that means sometimes.
Habit.
In the dark, uncertainty, seeking God. Devine guidance, affirmation. Seeking relief, answers, understanding.
In quiet concession, agreement, unexpected generosity. Need a little more, give a little more, fill the gap.
Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Simple promises scribbled down two thousand years ago.
Still true today. Still true today.
Funny thing thinking about, writing about anxiety. I see different angles at different times. No surprise, really.
That’s how anxiety works; that’s how our life experience works. Anxiety is part of it. Sure it can be overwhelming, crippling, devastating, even deadly…but then again, it’s just part of life too.
I don’t experience it in a deadly extreme fashion very often. In fact, not ever.
I’ve never considered checking out, or giving up forever, or crawling, or running, away. It’s fucking hard sometimes, but it hasn’t permanently dominated me (yet), in 54 years on this Earth.
Sure, sometimes is it hard. Sometimes it’s really hard. Sometimes it lays on top of me and won’t let me know. Sometimes it creeps up…
Like in the dark, late last night. Like after going to bed, to sleep at reasonable time, anxiety creeped up on me, unsuspecting. A few hours into the night, just after midnight, I leaped out of bed, and almost punched the wall, thinking it was someone standing there in the dark…
Anxiety waiting for me, looking at me, gently tossing and turning, maybe whispering…
I don’t know…but I didn’t want it there in that moment…don’t want it there, in the darkness…
But if it’s there…well fine…
If it’s there, I might roll over, or I might leap up and punch it in the face,
One thing I do know, I’m not giving up, and I’m not checking out.
Let it come. Come along, anxiety…
In the dark, in the light, how you like…I might not be ready, but come along all the same.
It ebbs and flows, anxiety.
It’s a fluid, dynamic thing.
Sometimes it washes over; other times it laps laps laps gently on the shore.
It can turn violent in an instant, that’s my experience.
Anxiety is a shape shifter; it comes in the darkness, finding its way to your demise.
How can it optimize it’s crippling, or at least negative effect deep inside you?
To my own personal experience, it’s not a panic attack; it seems that if I’m ready, awake, prepared, I can soldier on. I don’t panic.
But I don’t like it; or at least, historically I’ve tried to avoid, ignore. I’ve used various means to mediate its grip.
Lately though, I wonder if it’s hell-bent on my demise; maybe that’s not its purpose, its intent.
Maybe that shape-shifter quality is to find it’s way to my most inner, vulnerable side, to help me grow, change, be…better?
Shape-shifter. Maybe anxiety is encouraging me in its own, weird way, to be a shape-shifter too…?
Yea….maybe…
Anxiety is a constant reminder.
At 3:00am it pops up.
Thoughts churn.
What is simmering on my mental back-burner?
Those things are in the slow-cooker of my anxiety. It’s a revolving menu.
Let them cook.
I consider my socks often, most work day mornings. Tho’ few people ever see them, my choice each day helps me set the tone.
I like fun socks.
Consider them. Simple pleasure, last a long time, joy repeated again and again.
GOOD.
Master the skill, up and down. On the golf course, up and down on the green means getting there and sinking the putt in short order.
Maybe it’s similar in life, up and down. Each day, get up and get your work done; pursue the goals of your life, the goals of the day. Whatever that is for you. But get UP, and do. DO.
And then be ok in coming down, slowing down, each day. Let yourself do that. Come down. Rest. Respite. Relax. Slow down. SLOW DOWN.
And then do the whole thing again the next day.
Get good at the up and down.
It will serve you well.
I’m between good and bad most of the time; maybe we all are. The Devil and The Angel, each shoulder. Aren’t we all like that? If we’re honest, it must be so, must be human nature,
In between sun-up and sundown, so much happens, so much, so uncertain, so unsure, then sure, sometimes, in between,
In between here and there, us and them, then and now, what to do, how to feel, in between,
It’s where everything happens, in between, ok ok, do it, get it done, make the most of,
In between.
Weird feeling, let me attempt to explain a little.
My family structure, a new chapter, still searching for settled. Family under two households, a second divorce, forward still, the kids the common denominator that we remain committed to, whatever “family” looks like anew? We’ll see.
My work life, jobs shifted, a position I accepted, then became something different. now opportunities, lots to learn, LOTS to learn, keep learning, doing, being, open, to contribute, the common goal, contribute, to move the business forward.
“All good,” I tell myself, make myself, will make, am making the best of it, both.
Settled in the unsettled.
Think of the possibilities…
Everyday…
Make it GOOD.
