Category: parenting

Good Peeps

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, family, Happy, lifestyle, parentingLeave a comment

There are many people we meet throughout our life. Some we’ll be friendly with. A few will become good friends. Life-long even, if we’re lucky.

And there are those folks we see seldom, they live too far away, or are living busy lives like many (all?) of us are. Consumed by the day-to-day, week-to-week responsibilities and interests and fast-paced world, it’s difficult to make “extra” time for others outside our immediate sphere.

But then we get lucky. We find a sliver, a segment of time that’s FREE!, and the starts align, and the other person can do the same. And then maybe magic happens. We’re able to reconnect easily with another because of common values and maybe experiences and certainly mutual affection and appreciation, we slide ride back into easy convo even if it’s been a long while since you last saw one another.

My family had the good fortune to reconnect with another family recently. They live in So. Cal.; we live in Nor. Cal. We hadn’t seen each other in a while. Didn’t matter. Our families are pretty much the same format: three kids, each fam; two girls each, one boy each; fun-loving and pretty easy-going and soul-full and intent on living the best family life we can. We adults catch up and swap stories; the kids get along ok, and play and live another day, like kids most often seem to do if given the chance.

And that sort of connection, that validation of relationship and history and commonality and appreciation? There’s really not much else in the world like it, I suggest. That sort of experience makes us happy and thankful and feeling lucky, at least it should. Because that sort of experience is special; being connected to other people is special.

One might argue that we humans are of course, social animals, so these connections are not unique, special, sacred. But I would say instead, these connections with others are what make our life experience worthwhile, adding depth and dimension and texture that makes us whole.

Pretty thankful for good peeps.

Dadlife, Dark Side

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, family, leadership, mental health, parentingLeave a comment

I talk a lot about the positive. I promote the upside of things, look for the silver lining even in bad situations. That’s the fundamental credo of this blog: be positive, find positive, share positive.

But sometimes the dark side creeps in. Sometimes the dark side is strong.

Sometimes it’s been a long day, or a long week, and I’m grumpy, and irritable. And sometimes my kids don’t listen very well; sometimes they’re not very thoughtful, or themselves aren’t in the best mood.

Sometimes everything starts to come off the rails. And then what?

Then I’m irritated that the dishes are piled up in the sink. Then I’m annoyed the kids’ shoes and clothes are here and there in the living room. Then my fuse gets pretty short. I start barking at them instead of talking calmly. And my volume goes up a little.

The dark side wins for the moment.

Usually though, I catch myself pretty quick. Take a few deep breaths and reset my patience. But often I also tell the kids, “Grumpy Daddy” is on the edge, so it would be best for you all to do what you’re supposed to, you know the deal.”

Generally that works out OK. The dark side doesn’t stay too long. And I know I’m only human, so sometimes the dark side gains a little ground.

It’s up to me, it’s up to each of us to battle, to keep our emotions and ego in check.

CHECK.

Guest Post: “Be the Light” — YES!

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, lifestyle, mental health, parentingLeave a comment

I met Camille and her husband too last year when one of their son’s played on the soccer team my wife was coaching (and two of our kids played on, too).

Since then we’ve stayed in touch via social media, and we cross paths around town from time to time too.

With that as backdrop, I saw this post from her the other day and immediately thought, “Half Full!” — so I asked her if I could share this little reflection on my blog, and she generously agreed.

ENJOY!, and BE THE LIGHT.

—

Be a light in someone’s life. The world kind of sucks ☹️ right now. Someone told me the other day that they had to Google how to talk to your kids about mass shootings! 😮 This is sadly our reality.

This is also my motivation for SPREADING POSITIVITY in my  world and coaching a group of people who want change, whether it’s change in their mindset, change in their lifestyle, change in their habits, change in their body or change in their relationships with themselves and others.

I coach not because I have extra time in my life. As a working Mama of 3 👦🏻👦🏻👧🏻, I don’t have a lot of time so I make time. I wake up early, maybe skip some tv shows and find those pockets of time. I coach because I, too, need the positivity generated from others.

Life is hard. ☹️ But what choice do we have?🤷🏻‍♀️ Do we just be negative all the time and spend our days wallowing in what we don’t have and what we want different? Results come from action!

Positivity attracts positivity. 😊+☺️ I’ve had a rough week and I relied on my group to get me through it and I relied on myself to focus on my blessings, my children, my marriage, and my health.

Be a light in someone’s life.

“If you want to give light to others YOU have to glow yourself!”

#strongasamother #strongertogether #momoftwoboysandagirl#workingmomsrock #workingmomslife #struggleisreal #morningmeltdown100#transformation #mindsetchange #positivevibesonly #thankful #gratitude#youarestrong #youareabadass #personaldevelopmentquotes #shinebright#sparkle #coachinglife #lovelife #embraceliving #smilemore #runningmom#fivesecondrule #leadbyexample #changeforchange #yougotafriendinme #accountabilitycoach #smilemore

Find more of this goodstuff Camille puts out in the world — her Instagram handle is:   @coachcamillepa

camillecf_coach_halffuller_2019

 

 

 

“Stay Curious”

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, parentingLeave a comment

A simple phrase that came to mind this past week when my wife and I took the kids for one last before-school adventure: a day-trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

The weather was nice, the drive was pleasant, the pace relaxed as we strolled down to the aquarium, and wandered from display to display. The Monterey Bay Aquarium is truly a world-class facility with amazing exhibits, a ton of learning opportunities, magnificent colors and collages of images to excite and inspire. It’s a GREAT learning environment.

I kept thinking again and again, how important the lessons are, learning about the massive and diverse world under the oceans’ surface, and how much I want my kids to appreciate and absorb those lessons. It seems urgent to me. But of course it does; I’m an adult; I’m a middle-age dude experiencing these things as a parent. Our kids are just…kids.

mba_jellies

My salvation in these moments? Sparks of inspiration our kids experience now, they’ll carry with them through their lives. At least that’s my hope.

And how do they do that? STAY CURIOUS.

Another good example?

Just the other day I found something that made me curious. It was of all things, the title of a song I’ve heard many times from a band I’ve loved for decades.

“Cygnus X-1”. I love the song. But I don’t know that name refers to.

I looked it up. It’s the name of a black hole in space. “Whoa”, I thought. I had no idea. And that had me thinking about astronomy and physics and the universe. There I was, late at night, wondering.

Cygnus X-1.

STAY CURIOUS.

cygnusconstellation

G-096: Dispatch from the DMV CA

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, parentingLeave a comment

I hadn’t been into the Department of Motor Vehicles in a long time. And so when it was time for my 2019 Driver License renewal? It was time to pay a DMV Field Office a visit.  I was headed to the office in Santa Clara.  It was the place I had taken my original driving test long ago.  It is actually the only DMV office I’ve been to.   I was psyched.

I didn’t think far enough ahead to make an appointment before my license was due to expire, so I queued up on the Non-Appointment Line when I arrived. It was 7:49am on Saturday. There were already 50 people in line outside. The office didn’t open until 8:00am, so the website said. I thought, “51st in line? Shouldn’t take too too long.”

A little boy in a black and red checkered hoodie was waiting on a bench, brought along by his parent on a Saturday morning for the adventure.  My kids were still in bed at home.  Actually, our son had woken up just before I left the house.  The other two were still snoozing.

“Good Luck,” my wife said as I departed. “Enjoy the solitude and your book.” Funny thing, being a parent with three little kids, any time to yourself is luxurious.

When I got inside the DMV building, it seemed like there were a couple hundred folks in various lines, at different stages of being processed, taking care of their business. There were a lot more than the folks I’d seen in line.   But everything seemed to be clicking along at the many work stations scatted throughout the big room.  Bureaucracy at its finest.

I wasn’t sure how long it would take.  Funny thing? I didn’t mind.  I was happy to be taking care of something that had been on my to-do list for a couple months; I was happy about that little bit of solitude; I was happy about the hot coffee in my travel mug.

I chatted with a nice lady in line, enjoyed a little people- watching (I’m told by others that it’s more like “staring”, but I’m working to be more discrete). The variety of people reflected the variety that live in this busy and diverse San Francisco Bay Area. Various languages and attire, on folks of all ages and persuasions. I love it.

A lot happens at the DMV, a variety of transactions and tests and miscellaneous state government business. It’s a main government channel to the masses. If you haven’t been in an office for a while, or haven’t browsed the department’s website, you might forget. I sorta did. So I was grateful things kept moving. Every minute or so another number was called; screens overhead told us what numbers were being served where.

My number? It was G-096.

I waited maybe a half hour, maybe 45 minutes. Then I heard my number on the loud speaker, saw the number on the screen, and things started moving.

I went to Window Number 9. The person there was pleasant and professional. She cut me a little slack to help me correct an error I’d made on my application.

After she was done processing my application and support documents from her station, she sent me on.

I arrived to queue in Line D. Another 10 minute wait. Another nice person at the desk to do her part helping my application move though the process, including the universally loved / hated license headshot photo. I gave a little smile.

Then I moved to Line C to wait for the final steps  of the transaction and issuance of the temporary license.

And then it was done. I walked outside into the brisk morning sunlight. I felt a little moisture in the air, promise of the rain due later in the day. I heard geese honking in the distance.

A couple hours of my life complete, the rest of the weekend ahead, a quiet satisfaction in my head. A basic but very necessary task was accomplished, and some simple lessons, ones I seem to learn over and over again.

Be early. Be prepared. Be friendly. Pay attention. Listen carefully. Be patient. Take your time. Think.

These lessons I try to teach my kids, kids like that little boy I saw sitting on the bench. They’re lessons I keep learning over and over again, too.

A Dad’s List, #5

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, Insight, parentingLeave a comment

The Dad’s List Series continues after a little (medium-size?) hiatus.

Super stoked to be back with another edition, this one like, “…FIVE golden rings, four calling birds…”, no wait, stay on track.  Just a little humor is at play; almost never a bad thing, humor.

But to the matter at hand…The Number Five Dad’s List, or “A Dad’s List, #5 — without any further delay, here you go…!

1/  Helping your kid in the middle of the night; like when they fall out of bed.  Compassion, and a little humor too, might be appropriate to cope, for him or her, and you too.

2/  Dancing in the family room to a toy piano playing “Old MacDonald…”, or whatever that song was.

3/  Kids reminding me to say bedtime prayers; instead of the other way around.

4/  Eating left overs, especially cold, kid’s leftovers, builds your adaptability, provides fuel in the immediate, reduces waste, and increases your appreciation for hot meals.

5/  Being Happy and Helpful is super important to keeping a family humming along successfully.  Much better than nagging.

6/  Nagging is never really the best option, or very effective either.

7/  Up early is still the best option during the week.  But sleeping in a bit on the weekend is also worthwhile, and helpful to overall rest, and feels really GOOD.

8/  Dishes don’t wash themselves.  But if they pile up on occasion, for a little while, no biggie.

9/  I love my wife.  A LOT.

10/  Fancy dress up before dinner, during that dance performance.  Including fancy sparkly shoes.  Super fun.

twosistersfancydance_2019

When You Get Home

On By jeff ludlumIn Attitude, parentingLeave a comment

When you get home, what happens? I’m regularly amused, challenged, and sometimes left in simple wonder on this side.  My story isn’t unique, I’m sure, for anyone with little kids and a full time job.  It goes something like this…

Up before the sun most work-day mornings to get some personal time and maybe a little work done from the day before, to get a jump on the day.  Get yourself ready to head out into the world, then help your kids get ready.  You might have a day-care or school drop-off before heading to work yourself.  That’s my typical routine.

Then maybe you have a commute on your hands to get to the office.  Maybe it’s 30 minutes, or maybe an hour and a half, or somewhere in between; or maybe more.  You put in your seven, eight, nine, (ten?) hours at your job, doing your best to focus on the professional “you”, to earn your keep.

As the day winds down, it’s time to head out on the road again…that same commute again, only the other direction.  Maybe it’s longer now, as the day is coming to a close and more people are headed home.  Battle the traffic, the weather, your attitudes about the day, as you make your way.

Get home, and the second job begins.  Wise to change your clothes at least, but you may or may not get to do that.  If you thought about dinner before you left the house for the day — if you have a slow cooker and have a meal prep started, it might not take much to get supper on the table.

If you’re like my wife, that might be the case.  She’s dialed in often times, especially with the slow-cooker dinners.  If you’re me though, you scramble and hit the creativity switch, hoping something pops up, that the kids will actually want to eat.

Tonight I got lucky.  I changed my clothes, and the kids went with the first dinner proposal I offered.  And the TV wasn’t even on.  They had cheesy roll-ups and vegetables, with some apple slice on the side.  Except for the grief I got from my youngest for the smell of my dinner (sardines and roasted veggies with parmesan), it was pretty successful.

When my wife got home, we all meandered around a bit through the rest of the dinner hour, went through the mail, got caught up on the day (another victory — as it doesn’t always happen), and then it was bath time TIMES three.  And that finished within the next hour.

And here were are.  Time to scribble down a blog post.  And do a little email catch up for a meeting I have tomorrow night.  And sip a little more tea.  And time for bed.  GOOD.