Old Habits

A few days away from the ordinary make all the difference, it turns out. I suppose I relearn this on a regular basis. Old habit to reset, get away, let your mind wander, more carefree.

A short drive to another world, just over the hill south, to coast and ocean, where the pace and sea breeze provide welcome respite.

A storm expected to last the few days of our trip only add to the texture and depth of the trip. A slight ocean breeze blows in through a cracked window as I lay nearby on the couch, glancing now and again at the darkness on tue other side of the window pane. Shiny street lamp glistens in the distance through the rain falling steadily in the night outside.

The kids unwind, second week of holiday break from school. Much less schedule these few days, more leisurely screen — shows, games, messaging their mom, uncle, neighbors. Carefree. Enough adventure for fresh air and some stories in between weather cells, new rain boots splashing puddles and their dad as we stroll down the coastal trail, leaning into biting wind and ocean spray. Just enough fresh air and stories.

And yet that other old habit keeps creeping in, hovering just beyond the present calm, and joy. Old habit, thinking of what awaits on the other side of this respite. Meh. This old habit — I’ve done it since I was a kid — letting the many posible futures steal my present, unwelcome thief lurking again.

It’s squarely up to me in each moment, to push away the thief, throw salt over my shoulder and beseech him, Be Gone!

I am with my children now, and the wind, and rain, and ocean. I am complete and calm and cannot be hurried, will not be hurried.

Old habits welcome as long as they serve me. As long as they allow me to be. Just be.

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