Fickle Head

Living with my fickle head, approaches the unreal,

Longing for more sleep, then refusing slumber in the early hours,

Filled with thoughts, rushing in, piled high,

People, tasks, obligations forgotten, remembered, struggles, failures, piled high,

In the small hours, darkness, in my fickle head.

A Dad’s Way

Up early, do what you can.

Tip-toe into the kids’ room, blow them a kiss, piggyback to the one on the cheek, hand the night before.

Move the pile of clean laundry from one spot to the other; gotta fold that tonight.

Sip cold brew, do a little work on your day off.

Take solace in the birdsong drifting through the open window.

Reset another password.

Push anxiety and doubts aside.

Thank God for another day.

Dear Corina

When I came to PB (the company I work for), she was one of the first people I met. Most everyone was welcoming, but she was especially so.

I think we were about the same age, though her two daughters were already young adults. My kids were little at the time. She’s one of the friendliest, very well-dressed, fun-loving, best cooks, generous-beyond- measure people I’ve ever met, honestly.

A classy professional, thoughtful co-worker, creative, faithful soul.

When I started at the company I worked for a different group. I then was asked to move to her group about a year later. We were cube neighbors, and chatted frequently. She was active in her parish, and we talked about the new bishop in the diocese; she’d met him early on.

When my dad passed away, she made a card and had everyone sign it — she handed it to me when I returned to the office and gave me a hug. So so generous and thoughtful.

Dear Corina.

She found out about her cancer about a year and a half ago. She followed doctors’ recommendations about treatment, procedures, diet, etc. She followed it all — surgeries, chemo, radiation, et, al. — and battled with an amazing attitude. I imagine her faith and strong family helped her tremendously.

But the cancer has turned out to be more than she can withstand. The latest word from her family is that she’s deteriorated quite a bit; she’s only expected to survive a few more days.

Dear Corina.

May God hold you in the palm of His hands in your final days, and welcome you with open arms when he calls you home. You’re an amazing human, and I thank God for your life, and the time I got to spend working with you.

And, dear Corina, see you on the other side.

Godspeed.

Grounded

Funny thing, the value and importance these men provide me.

Humbled and grateful.

Mere friendship, but so exceedingly powerful. 35-50 years and running…

Is that possible?! So blessed.

Through two weddings and three kids and two divorces, they are my constant,

SO grateful.

Grounded.

It Feels Late

As the day wanes and I long for bed, it feels late. I ponder.

As night recedes and daylight comes, I consider the day ahead, and again I long for bed. I ponder.

It feels late both ways, I ponder.

Maybe less ponder, more doing, sleeping, then it won’t feel late.

Firm or Harsh?

I find myself periodically in this space. I’m wrangling to keep my kids on task during the crunch time of work/day evenings. We’re working to stay on schedule to meet a goal, in this case lights out in time for a good night’s sleep.

As they seem to wander to and fro, distracted, my guiding tone goes from pleasant to terse, insistent, firm.

I try hard not to yell. I recall I didn’t like to hear yelling as a kid myself. But I do get more firm; I remind them of consequences to behavior.

Sometimes I think I’m being harsh. Every time that comes to mind, most every time there’s a shift in my own thinking, patience level, I try to pause, and check myself.

They’re just kids learning, living, growing up. They benefit from guidance, especially when a time schedule is involved; but if they stay generally on task, that’s the main goal.

Those are the two take-aways:

Check firm, make sure it’s not harsh;.

Remind them of the goal (what ever it is) that’s linked to the schedule being imposed.

Ah yes, and remember, they’re just kids learning.

Moon High

Moon high in the early evening, bright against pale blue, darkening sky.

A little high myself after a soulful weekend, not all good but good enough, battling the ups and downs and uncertainties, chin up in the end.

Hopes high for a good week ahead, get a good start, get on the list early, get early momentum and keep it up.

Moon High.