Edge

This word rolling through my head, several images, thoughts coming to mind.

EDGE.

Hmm, maybe it’s the opposite: Several images, thoughts rolling through my head, and this word comes to mind.

Another dinner gone sideways, everyone animated about things mostly other than the plate of food in front of them. Stumble, struggle through — I do, everyone else on their own — and then I’m in the kitchen doing dishes while the meal-time silly melee continues.

I’m on the edge.

Should I be a hard-ass about all this behavior that’s so counter to what seems reasonable to me? Or should I just roll with it, kids will kids, last weekend before school (no lie though, it’ll be the same behavior next week too), everyone having fun, Dad, don’t be a grump…

So I sit on the edge for a while wit h those feelings, a few seconds anyway…then I think of The Edge, and U2, and the album “Rattle and Hum” — that proves to be my salvation. I grab my headset, find the album on Apple Music, and let it fly. As the songs tick through, as I wash the dishes, I care less about being on the edge.

Music has that effect on me, at least it did tonight. It took me away from the edge; it took me to a place thinking less about the struggle that was going on in my head; it took me back thirty years to how I felt about the music I was listening to, swept me up back in time, away from the edge.

Until next time.

yout

In Parallel

One of my favorite concepts from geometry, imagery still floats in my head all these years, decades later. Parallel lines drawn with a ruler and pencil, precision work. Must have my dad’s influence when I was a kid; he was a math teacher.

I think of “parallel” in other context:

Often we work in parallel with others; most certainly we live parallel lives with those around us, our parents, partner, children, friends, neighbors.

How does that go? How should it go?

Maybe we live in parallel with our faith too, with God, whatever we think, imagine, believe God to be. What I mean by this is, there are whatever those ideals are around God, and then there’s our practical, day-to-day living and applying of those ideals.

Parallel, but maybe we cross over, cross lines, lose that orientation from time to time. Intersect, good or bad? Does it have to be good or bad? Can it just be?

Can we just be, in parallel, with those around us? My experience says, it’s lonely if we’re parallel all the time. I’d rather intersect.

Lyrics Post: “Here and Heaven”

Just what is it, a Goat Rodeo? According to a Slang Dictionary,

“A goat rodeo is a slang term for something going totally, unbelievably, disastrously wrong, and there’s nothing left to do but to sit back and watch the trainwreck.

In other words, a goat rodeo is a chaotic situation, fiasco, or, more vulgarly, a shitshow. And yes, there are also literal goat rodeos. 🐐”

And so “Goat Rodeo Sessions”, the name given to a collection of songs put together by four musicians, adding a fifth for a few songs.

The result is something wonderful. The blend of players and inspiration and fun and joy. Just what music should be.

Lyrics, one of the few songs given lyrics,

“With a hammer and nails and a fear of failure
We are building a shed
Between here and heaven between the wait and the wedding
For as long as we both shall be dead
To the world, beyond the boys and the girls
Trying to keep us calm
We can practice our lines ’til we’re deaf and blind
To ourselves to each other where it’s
Fall, not winter; Spring, not summer; Cool, not cold
And it’s warm, not hot, have we all forgotten that we’re getting old
With an arrow and bow and some seeds left to sow
We are staking our claim
On ground so fertile we forget who we’ve hurt along
The way and reach out for a strange hand to hold
Someone strong but not bold enough to
Tear down the wall
‘Cause we ain’t lost enough to find the stars ain’t
Crossed why align them why fall hard, not soft into
Fall not winter spring not summer cool not cold
Where it’s warm, not hot have we all forgotten that we’re getting old
And it’s Fall, not winter; Spring, not summer; Cool, not cold
And it’s warm, not hot, has everyone forgotten that we’re getting old
And it’s Fall, not winter; Spring, not summer; Cool, not cold
And it’s warm, not hot, have we all forgotten that we’re getting old?”

Song Writers: Stuart Ian Duncan / Aoife Maria O’donovan / Edgar Meyer / Christopher Thile

Here and Heaven lyrics © Chris Thile Music, Cosmic Seed Music, Yerba Azul Music

Ocean Therapy

I always seem to forget the value, the worth, the peace, of Ocean Therapy. Just being there, that’s all it really takes.

The breeze, the water, the sound, the constant, demands attention, quietly, consistently, relentlessly there, of of it, insistent.

How long could I sit there? One hour, six, twelve? Sun up until sunset? Waiting, listening, relentless, constant, unwavering, those waves. And so what?

What’s in your mind, it slowly gives way, slowly, ever slowly, then maybe suddenly? It goes the way, it goes away, it falls away, you’re left spent, empty, and yet full, too.

Of the sounds and the breeze and the water, all, much is said, need not be. The ocean, constant, insistent, quietly, therapy.

Some Devil, Some Grace

It’s a particular feeling, a particular strength needed, when your partner is struggling.

When she struggles, it effects you, no wonder; how can it not? Those who don’t feel it, maybe they don’t feel, the same.

When your partner struggles, seems put out, spun out, you’re on the outs too. He doesn’t want what you want. What does he want? Maybe it’s not clear.

What is clear? The devil’s in the room, maybe right there next to you, you might feel, hear his breath. Shallow, steady, patient.

What to do? Dread might drip in, slow drip, drops, relentless. “Get behind me, Satan,” that’s a good start. Don’t accept the negative, the poison in the room.

Take the High Road, Grace, find it, where is it, it’s there, faint, hard to find maybe, but it’s there. Take that road, you know the one, know the way.

Be friendly, be pleasant. Say please, and thank you, and if you please. Not insistent, instead, consistent.

The High Road, choose it, Grace, even when slighted, when you get the silent. Treatment? Be the treat, not the trick. Don’t be tricky, be steady, instead expect of yourself, be your best self, each hour, day.

Make it that way. You meet the Devil, answer with Grace.

GOOD.

Connected?

Seems to me this idea’s come up before, seems to me it’s fundamental, being connected.

It’s a technical thing on the one hand, “…VPN reconnecting…” tells you how fast you’ll need to work to catch-up, seconds, minutes tick by, the birds chirping in the yard a gentle solace.

My children’s images on my screen, telling me it will be ok; ok overall, but as the moments tick by, a reboot looms, save your work.

Connected, reconnected, I long for the touch, a sense of belonging and place and purpose. Not sure why it’s so important, so integral to calm, satisfied peace of mind.

Weekend’s better for this; better to hone the skill to get there at will, connected. Feel it when we’re together, falling asleep together, waking up together, laughing together, smiling, living together.

Longing, searching, yearning, wanting, to understand, how to connect. My family the salve, time granted, invested.

Another summer weekend, another Friday, Saturday night camping with the kids in the back yard.

Together. CONNECTED.

A.M.D.G.

Ad maiorem Dei gloriam or Ad majórem Dei glóriam, also rendered as the abbreviation AMDG, is the Latin motto of the Society of Jesus, an order of the Catholic Church.

It means “For the greater glory of God.”

On this thirty-first day of July, designated by The Church as a feast day to celebrate Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits.

Let it be so, that we seek God in all things; let it be so, that each action be a reflection of that journey, that goal.

And when we fall short — and no doubt we will — let us reset to this simple pledge, this simply commitment Ignatius expressed near 500 years ago.

“Ad majórem Dei glóriam.”

Fatal Flaw?

A lifetime of ups and downs; when I reflect back that’s what I see.

I don’t suspect it’s anything special really; my experience like many other folks; in fact, I often reflect and return to the perspective that I’m particularly lucky, particularly blessed.

And yet I’ve had my failures, aplenty. I’ve made mistakes; I’ve made knowingly poor decisions; I’ve hurt people, people close to me.

What is this fatal flaw that makes me so, that allows this evil in? I suspect we all have these moments, we all have these flaws; it’s when the circumstances meet the flaws, that’s when it can prove fatal.

But fatal, really? If you’re still breathing, it’s not fatal yet. Try again.

TRY AGAIN.

Lyrics Post: “Release”

29 years ago. This song goes back. Hard to believe. Speaks to me more now than it did then. From Pearl Jam, “Ten.” What an epic album that was; is. GOOD.

RELEASE.

“Release”

I see the world
Feel the chill
Which way to go
Windowsill
I see the words
On a rocking horse of time
I see the birds in the rain

Oh dear dad
Can you see me now
I am myself
Like you somehow
I’ll ride the wave
Where it takes me
I’ll hold the pain
Release me

Oh dear dad
Can you see me now
I am myself
Like you somehow
I’ll wait up in the dark
For you to speak to me
I’ll open up
Release me
Release me
Release me
Release me

Writer(s): Eddie Vedder.

Go With The Flow

Let it ride, let it go, go with the flow. That right there is a solid gold tenant of successful parenting, and may successful living overall.

Of course there are times when you need to lean in and insist on an agenda, actions, compliance. That’s definitely true.

That said, I suspect learning when to go with the moment, with the established momentum, learning that lesson, and then applying it, APPLYING IT, that’s where the trick is, that’s where the wisdom hides.

Knowing that you need to do it. And then knowing when to do it. And then?

JUST DO IT.